The journey is itself the destination

It's been more than half a year since my last post, and the counter says 8 months to Hawai'i. It has been quite a journey--the last 11 months.

If my friends had known about this blog, they wouldn't have believed I'd pull through. They'd root for me, of course, but they know me well enough to believe that somewhere along the way, I'd be able to come up with a valid justification why I won't be filing an application for admission to the University of Hawai'i.

Today, I decided to give myself a little credit:
- for actually submitting an application, and for doing so ahead of the deadline. (Hurray! 10 essay questions!)
- for scoring 113/120 in my TOEFL iBT

All my transactions related to the application went smoothly... almost as if God's hand was literally above me. We'll see what will happen next.

"Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful." - Hebrews 10:23

The state of "slow panic" (?)

Panic is defined as "a sudden sensation of fear..." characterized by anxiety so strong that it hinders logic and oftentimes action. If so, I feel exactly that except for the "sudden" part. The anxiety eats me up painfully slow.

Have you experienced feeling like there's so much to do (that you don't know where to start, in fact), so little time to do everything, and yet, you can't bring yourself to get started?

I've been working on my essay for weeks. I had a good head start, but somewhere in the middle I felt stuck. And soon, the semester is going to start. There will be even less time for me to focus on my applications. Oh my God. I think I'm having another attack!